For years, I have wanted to take dance classes again. I loved dance growing up, but in middle school there was a big shift at all the local studios where you kind of had to commit your life to dance. I loved the tap/jazz/ballet combo classes I took in elementary school and tried a more serious ballet studio (quickly realized it was not for me when the teacher kept striking my ribs with a yard stick!) and then found myself leaning into tap classes. I tapped until I think I was 12 or 13. I wish I could have kept doing it for fun, but again, it went from something you could do casually a couple of times a week to committing every weeknight to classes and then dedicate your weekends to competitions.
It was a hard thing to let go of and I missed it for years. I kept saying, “I’m going to do it. I’m going to find a class to take now” And then life got in the way. The pandemic, pregnancies, babies. Barre classes sort of scratched the itch for me, but I knew I missed actual dance classes. Then I kept seeing the same kind of message pop up about how you should revisit childhood hobbies. If you enjoyed something as a child, you will probably enjoy it now. In fact, it may just reveal your deep passions! I found a tap class thanks to an inquiry in my town’s Facebook group, and signed up before I could chicken out.
While I don’t think I’m going to become a professional dancer anytime soon , I’m so happy to report that signing up for tap has been one of the best things for me this year.
The commitment to taking a weekly tap class at 8pm was one of the hardest hurdles. I’m grateful Mike supported me in this as it meant he was landing the bedtime plane for Jack solo every Monday night. For the first half of this semester, I was still nursing too, so I’d nurse Rory and put him to sleep before scooting out the door. 8pm on a Monday was logistically was the best time for this hobby as I didn’t have to get a babysitter, and dinner and the majority of the bedtime routine was done. It didn’t interfere with work schedules. But it was hard to motivate myself to get out the door. But every week, I put on workout clothes, packed my tap shoes, and drove to the studio. (I did get into the habit of stopping at CVS for a Diet Coke on the way over for a little energy boost though…)
The teacher asked me if I had ever tapped before and I said yes… but it had been over two decades! She popped me into the intermediate class and told me that it’d come back to me.
I missed the first class due to an ear infection that came out of nowhere and I already felt behind at the second class. It didn’t seem like it was coming back to me… at all. It was working a part of my brain that was dusty. Remembering choreography. Getting my ankles to work. Connecting my brain and body. Even my pelvic floor post babies was like, “not so fast!” Then things started to click again. I didn’t know the names of any of the steps, but so many of them were programmed into my muscles!
While it remained difficult to get out the door every Monday night– part exhaustion, part dread, part guilt at leaving the boys, once the warm up for the class started– I was locked in. I would come home drenched in sweat (it’s a real cardio workout!!) and my body buzzing from all the tapping.
I love it. I wish I hadn’t quit dancing when I did. I wish it was possible to have done it as a hobby and not turn everything into a career at the ripe age of 12. I’m glad I’m revisiting this part of my childhood and getting to enjoy it again as an adult. I have so much more gratitude for it now, too. At 12, I remember being stressed about dance. Was I good enough? Was I getting the “best” teacher or class? What part was I getting in the recital? How did I compare to everyone else in the studio? Now I see it as a 60 minute break every week for myself where I can shed the role of mom and do something completely for myself. It’s good for my body, good for my brain, and really good for my soul.
When I signed up, I had no idea who else would be in the class. Would it be a group of senior citizens? Other moms? It turned out to be a range of ages and personalities and we all had one thing in common: we wanted to dance! I unexpectedly made friends and met people I probably would have never crossed paths with before. It was nice to meet people outside of my kids’ classrooms or work or my husband’s social circle.
And it was a great surprise to me, too, when I found out there was a performance. I had no idea what I was signing up for… and with every passing week leading up to the performance, my anxiety over it grew. 1) I didn’t feel talented enough to execute the dance and 2) I was like, “Do I really need to be on a stage at 35?!”
It was this past weekend and was such a thrill. I loved it! It was such low stakes and we all had so much fun. It was nice to have something to “show” for the half of year of hard work. I’m proud of myself for signing up for the class, for committing to relearning the skill, for showing up week after week, and for getting on the stage!
I can’t recommend sitting down and digging into your past to rediscover the passions and hobbies you had as a kid. Did you love art class? Do you miss singing in your church choir? Did you forget how much you loved playing an instrument?
