I’ve been getting hit by the biggest waves of nostalgia lately. Maybe it’s the time of year– everything slowing down just enough for my feelings to catch up with me– but I’ve been extra mushy. Reflecting a little more. Looking back a little longer. Wondering how on earth another year has already slipped by… somehow faster than the one before.
But it’s not just my usual once-a-year nostalgia. It’s something stranger and deeper: nostalgia for right now. A kind of future nostalgia, almost like I can already feel how much I’m going to miss this exact season of life while I’m still in it.
It’s comforting and heartbreaking all at once. On the one hand, it’s so positive… what a gift to know you’re in a happy chapter as it’s happening! But it also tugs at my heart in that sad, aching way. It’s the awareness that these are the years I’ll someday reach for, and they’re slipping through my fingers even as I try my best to hold on.
So I’ve been taking mental snapshots all day long: the pile of tiny shoes by the back door, the giggles and laughs while they play together, the holiday activities that feel so ordinary (and maybe even a little monotonous) now but will someday knock the wind out of me. And then of course the real snapshots: videos, photos, anything to freeze a moment that refuses to stay still.
And yet, at the same time… the days feel really long. I’m still checking the clock to see how close we are to nap time. Still breathing a sigh of relief when bedtime finally rolls around. Still feeling that tug of guilt, even though I know every mom on earth feels it too. Because sure enough, the second it’s quiet, I’m scrolling through my camera roll rewatching videos from hours earlier, missing the very moments that just nearly did me in.
Social media is definitely feeding into it. I can’t open Instagram without getting walloped by childhood-nostalgia accounts or posts about “savor every second” motherhood. Even commercials are leaning all the way into it. Part of me finds comfort in knowing it’s not just me… that so many of us are moving through life a little teary-eyed right now. And another part of me feels myself sinking even deeper into the feels because of it.
It’s all so incredibly bittersweet. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe the sweetness only tastes this strong because it’s fleeting… and we know it.
